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Ask the Train: Totally Legit Relationship Advice

Decepticon relationships can be pretty fragged up. If you're a Decepticon and you've lost control of your love life, you don't know if you HAVE a love life, or you're just curious about relationships that DON'T involve killing your friends, Astrotrain is here to help*.

*This blog does not take responsibility if following the advice here sabotages or even destroys your relationships. Your mileage may vary.

Aug 15 '14

Anonymous asked:

A bird may love a fish, Signore, but where would they live?

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… who are you callin’ a fish?

Jul 24 '14

Anonymous asked:

wait there isn't /really/ romance happening between me and megs right? whatever it is it's not romance right

You said you had a thing for him. He’s affectionately teasing you. All we need now is a fun little montage and you’ll find yourself in a Disney wedding.

Jul 24 '14

Anonymous asked:

Favorite pairing: Ratchet/Astrotrain do not question this.

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i may require an essay on why this is a thing

Jul 24 '14

Anonymous asked:

NOOOO I DON'T WANT MY DESTINY TO BE FRAGGING FRAGGING MEGATRON

Who said anything about destiny?

Like, you can have a Megafetish and be destined for other stuff. That’s only one destiny. Or something.

Jul 24 '14

Anonymous asked:

NOO NO I DON'T WANT A MEGAFETISH HELP

You don’t choose the fetish.

The fetish chooses you.

Jul 24 '14

Anonymous asked:

why do i keep courting megatrons??

Attaining the unattainable. Taming the dangerous. Being able to smooch a guy that in all rights would probably kill you.

Or you just think his butt is cute.

I dunno, that’s generally my reasoning for things. Maybe you just have a Megatron fetish.

Jul 24 '14

Anonymous asked:

I ain't so good at social and gift giving slag. Most of my function it's been shooting, drinking and fragging, mix all that up and that's my function. Thing is there's this mech that's got my spark. And I don't know what the frag I could give him to show him what he means to me. Sometimes going out and conquering a planet to lay all the loot at his pedes sounds like a fragging good idea. Think I should go with the murdering and killing idea or got any other suggestions on what to give a mech?

blitz is that you

Well, that all depends - what does your object of affection actually like? Cause it would do no good to murder or pillage and then find out he’s got a thing against murdering and pillaging, you know?

If you’re lucky, your beau’ll be just as easy to please as you are. Don’t discredit a good frag, a good drink and a nice view of the stars of a gift. It ain’t gotta be a big production, unless that’s how your mech rolls, and honestly, I am not the one to be askin’ about gaining the favor of finicky materialists.

Also, make sure he actually likes getting gifts. I know right - who passes up free stuff? But this has happened before so just keep that in mind.

Jul 23 '14

Anonymous asked:

HELP THIS MEGATRON I HAVE A THING FOR KEEPS CALLING ME CUTE

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That’s it. I’m done. There’s romance in the air, I can’t stop it now.

Jul 21 '14

Anonymous asked:

where do I get giant popsicles to put up his butt though

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Jul 21 '14

Anonymous asked:

How do I get Overload to stop putting things in my butt?

dammit smoketopus

.. wait is he actually putting things in your aft?

I thought it was just.. fictional aft harassment. Aftface. Why is it an aft face? Nevermind I don’t think I want to know.

Put.. bigger things in his aft??